HOMECOMING

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You are not the beginning

nor the end

you are a multitude of discrete moments

all muted into this perfect present moment

 

You are the past and the future

leaning back and lurching forward

clinging, clinging onto these threads you have weaved

into your story

but these threads are fragile, translucent

they cannot hold you much longer

 

You. with your melting heart

your Anahata

raw

bruised

unforgiving

unstruck!

 

Be still

be open

be gentle

you are Coming Home

 

But Home is not where my heart is

my heart is there. and there.

beating, breathing in those in-between far flung spaces

where we find each other (sometimes)

but (always) inevitably part

 

Home is a soft place I dream of

In the crease of your arm

In the warmth of my acceptance

 

Home

 

( A short word

With a long story )

 

I am spent of these ongoing battles

I place these boulders down, one by one

They were not all mine to carry anyway

 

And I retreat here to this space

to this deepening awareness

that Life is suffering

that all things are transient

 

In-transit

 

As am I

 

Transition

 

Like the point of stillness between my in-breath and out breath

like the turning point of the seasons

as they unfurl effortlessly, majestically

according to their timeous ordered chapters

 

I am Fire and Earth

Water and Space

Whole in my Brokenness

perfectly flawed

 

I hold my Sankalpa

 

(What else is there to hold?)

 

I am not the beginning

nor the end

 

I am an enlivened particle

perfectly poised in the order of cosmic confusion

 

Home

 

I open the door

And there they are

Waiting

My abandoned orphans of consciousness

 

And they embrace me

in waves of love

in waves of tender rage

 

these long forgotten fragments of myself

I have lost along the way

 

I am here

where I am meant to be

 

My journey a meandering path

 

Home

 

Is anywhere

 

Ayesha Sabat

Ixopo Buddhist Retreat Centre, KZN  – April 2018

 

Photo by Ayesha Sabat

© Ayesha Sabat